Little Victories

Good morning boys & girls,


I haven't posted thanks to my lessened amount of visits.  I have more small appointments for lab check ups and such but nothing compared to the clinic trips to NW.   I had a NW appointment this past Thursday for some b!tch juice.  It was not the smoothest of appointments in our history.  They all can't go as easily as I was lucky enough to have in the past, but oi vey this one was a doozy.  Let's just say lots of waiting and needle pokes.  But it's done and over with.  Next one will be smoother.  My dad brightened my mom and I's day with having dinner ready for us when we got home.  This is not a common Lord household (sorry Daddy-o for ratting you out).  


I've had a lot of great times since my last post.  I went to my first concert after diagnosis.  I had missed a few concerts that were planned and fell during this sh!tshow.  It was tough to miss and to not plan for new ones, but I couldn't skip Avenged Sevenfold!  It turns out that the band supports this Web site:  http://www.fuckcancerfoundation.org/  A bit more brash that my style, but you can't deny the message.  We learned this from another concert goer that was sporting one of the shirts.  The weekend as a whole was great.  That same weekend, Ross had a work party and it was a lot of fun.  Plus we went to our favorite diner - Denny's (not the chain but the place that defines the overblown style of the Dells).  


Another weekend was a wonderful girls weekend getaway with a group of my childhood friends.  We all had a great time.  It was five of us in Galena.  Lots and lots of laughs, chatting, relaxing and as one of us said "rekindling old friendship flames."  


Otherwise I've just been doing my part time work, my daily goals around the house and cuddling my pupper.  I like to not have anything to note on this blog ;0)


The below pictures are of me and Dana, my mom's hair stylist and mine too during high school.  The salon she works at had a Cut-a-thon for the American Cancer Society so I stopped in to say thank you.  She has done numerous (any is too many) buzz cuts for women with treatments that cause the hair to jump ship.  As you will see, she went the full nine yards and raised extra money by promising to buzz her hair if she reached a certain level of donations.  She kicked some @ss (a lot of swearing in this post, odd) and raised almost double her goal.  People are amazing.  

 I don't anticipate any posts prior to Christmas.   So...

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!

You Knock Me Down with a Smile

Here's Em and her favorite chew toy - rawhide bones!  She's a beast with these.  They last about a night.  Better that than my shoe.


Over Thanksgiving Emma met Apollo, Sarah & Joey's dog, and she had a great time playing with him.  She has a new best friend.  Freakin' adorable. 

As promised, here's a little preview of our little nest:

 The bottles are a line of Ross's home brews... the kegerators are downstairs with our bar & pool table.  It's a fun house!

 Aren't we adorable?


Things are flowing along smoothly... I began work finally.  I am acquiring a normal status.  I get to see the great AH folks and my Milwaukee friends once a week which makes the drive worth it. 
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with Ross's family.  Good food and good company.
This past weekend, Lizzie and Tyler (Ross's little sister and her boyfriend) took Ross and I out to dinner to celebrate my clean results.   It's a funny thing to cheers to, but a wonderful thing to cheers.  We had a great night playing cards and just having a laugh.  Our cheeks were hurting by the end of the night.


The holiday season is upon us so it's busy busy busy from here on out.  Busy is exactly how I like it.


Ta ta for now!

Serenity

Hallelujah!  Hip hip hooray!  Holla!   Huzzah!  

Yesterday's long itinerary at the clinic was more than worth it.  I heard that my marrow is beautiful.  I started the steps for maintenance so we have hit the detour route.  We are closer and closer to leaving the roadblock far behind.


After the labs, chemo and doctor meetings Ross and I went to Goose Island for dinner.  Luckily enough a few of my girlfriends were able to meet up.  I am so lucky to have all of this love.   


It was such a roller coaster of a day.  

(cont.)
Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships at the pathway to peace;
Taking as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right 
if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.


and breathe.  It's so fitting.  I love this prayer.

bibbidi bobbidi boo

Hello, hello!!  I didn't forget about my blog updates.  Here's the skinny on my life:


Roadblock Update
I was poked and prodded today for my bone marrow biopsy.  I anxiously await the results on Thursday.  Ross will be coming with me to the clinic for the results and beginning of maintenance.  I get to show him off to my entourage.  They are excited to meet him.  The team will be shocked to see me without my parents, who are frowning at the fact that they are missing the appointment.  I can't let them get a perfect record for attendance, now can I?  


I have a toddler's hairdo right now.  My eyebrows and lashes are back too!  It's suh-weet!  Unfortunately there's more proof that God's a man because my leg hair has returned as well.  I was hoping he'd say to himself, "Katrina's been through a lot.  Let's toss her a consolation prize of no more shaving!"  Alas, He didn't.  


Puppy Love
Ross and I are happy to announce that we are proud owners of an 8 month old pupper - Emma!  She's already stolen both of our hearts.  She is adorable, with or without bias.  Emma is 50 pounds of husky and golden retriever.  She happily obliges to stroll with us and accompany us at the dog park.  It's fun to learn her quirks and favorites.  For example, she likes to hop (freakin' adorable) and chase squirrels (not quite as adorable for my shoulder).  All in all, we are a happy little family.   


Don't worry bragging pictures to come...


Madison, my new home sweet home
I'm all settled in.  My goal is to finalize the organization of my closet and desk items.  We have the walls covered with our art which I consider the icing on the cake.  It's ready to serve.  We have a happy little family in a happy little home :)  The American Dream is coming true.


And a fun little note from Shel:

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." Shel Silverstein

You Should be Dancing

Happy Halloween Weekend!

^This is a preview of me and five friends tomorrow night.  Aren't we good looking?

But more importantly - it is here!  The first day of a life outside of chemo regimens.  Feels good.  (Despite the nausea that's lingering from last week's potion but it too shall pass.)  I received a lot of congratulations including a dancing nurse.  The clinic was abuzz with excitement.

Thanks for all of the support to make it to the glorious milestone!

Check this out:
http://www.cancerbites.tv/
It's a guilty pleasure, but those Twilight movies do make me giddy.

And now for that dancing....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l_x2zm_pIw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_3TE7ieScQ&NR=1

I'm getting a chemo-cation until mid November... until then boogie down!
 

Update!  Here's our minion group:

A Light in the Attic

Commence treatment & countdown!


Today I received my cocktail complete with Benadryl and a nap.  Yes, it was supposed to happen Tuesday, but the fates made it delay to today.  The last post was not all truths.  I was not able to start work because I did not receive the final nod from my doctor.  What Olga wants, Olga gets.  Also, the MRI came back clean.  No worries there.  And as my parents liked to point out, there is proof of a brain.  Or as referenced in the title, there is "a light in the attic."  Thank you Shel.  Anywho, we can hang the countdown banners back up!  

7 days til the final cocktail

~17 til the bone marrow test 

~20 til the test results

< 24 hours til I'm back in Madison

Now for my diatribe...

I know I will never be able to escape the monkey named "C" on my back, but I can when I am preoccupied with things and the people around me.  I've been told by the entourage to keep busy.  It does not help to dwell.  It is very hard to do when there are constant reminders everywhere.  For starters, there's the mirror.  My fuzzies will become hairs then a hair do in time.  But for now I still look like a goon.  Another example happened this past week when I went to see Footloose with Ashli.  We had to go see the remake.  We watched the original movie countless times; swooning over Ren's warehouse scene and Ariel's red boots.  (They are hot, you can't deny it.)  We are watching the new movie, tra-la-la giggle-giggle, then *BAM* Ren goes on to explain his mother's long death due to Leukemia that emotionally traumatized him.  Grrrrrrreat.  I was enjoying myself!  Stupid screen writers.  No escape.  
Finally there are the never-ending commercials hawking St. Jude's and the million (or so it seems) cancer centers have given me more reason to stick with Hulu and Netflix.  I don't need to ruin my entertainment all of the time.  Just another reason to opt out of commercials.  I too believe in "standing up to cancer" but please don't ruin Modern Family to try and wrangle dinero out of me.


xoxo
Katrina Jeannette

I Don't Want to Wait

Yes, that is a reference to the Capeside, MA angst-ridden teen drama Dawson's Creek.  I am about as annoying as Dawson Leery at this point in time.   I complain more than him; who knew that was possible?  And I don't want to wait either.
My end date is delayed -- again.  My cold symptoms are not gone enough to get cleared for chemo.  I never thought I'd want chemo cocktails, but now all I want is to belly up to the treatment bar.  Barkeep!
I was given a shot to jump start my white cell production.  I'm excited for the little buggers to do their work and help me get rid of my cold.  
I have a MRI on Friday to verify that nothing has gone awry.  I spent last Wednesday in the ER for some abnormal numbing.  Oi vey.  Why all of this now?  (well, at all for that matter.)


But this weekend will outshine the rest.  I MOVE TO MADISON. 


Then Monday I start back at work - part time.  With the appointments and backlash from treatments I just can't play in the big league yet.  But we're on the way to 'normalcy.'
With that said, I will be a road warrior now.  Betty the Jetty and I will be best buds by the end of this.   We'll be bouncing between Madison, Milwaukee and Chicago.  But I think it's worth it.  I am not letting the delay get in my way.  


Well folks, that's all for now.  

There's a flag on the field

The ref has called a "delay of game."  That's right, Katrina pulled out sports jargon.  
October 11th is no longer the magic date.  The countdown has ceased.  


I have the rhinovirus.  

We, common folk, call it a cold.  My cold was wicked enough to set me back on treatment.  LAME.  I feel like I'm running a race on a treadmill with the finish line being right beyond the machine.  But what's not LAME is that my treatment and tests are going so well that my MDs are OK with the delay.  I love when silver linings shine through.  
A delay even in my schedule... que sera, sera.  I will just bop back and forth from Madison a few more times. Nothing's keeping me from moving in with my man!  

Me too Audrey, me too.

Quickly and Loosely Rhymed

It all began Wednesday
with a tiny sore throat.
Then it progressed on Thursday
to bogies and chills that demanded a coat.

Friday was the norm
naps to kick this cold!
Until Dad kissed my temple, "You're warm!"
he exclaimed as he went to make a call.

And so began our journey
to the Northwestern ER.
Needless to say I was angry.
I don't need to be here!

After much waiting
and cons from my parents to avoid my flight,
the doctors began their poking and prodding.
I sighed, but tomorrow was supposed to be a double delight.

Hours ensued,
and good news arose.
My fever came unglued!
A doctor announced, "You can go home tonight" - it sounded like prose!

We avoided inpatient
but my plans were dashed.
Despite my impatience
I came home and I crashed.

Pills, pills, pills
Sleep, sleep, sleep
Are the happenings of my weekend - thrills!
Let's hope on the chemo schedule we keep.

Chapter 49: Do you remember dancing in September?

Countdown:  14 days until the end of the BIG stuff


Familiar Taste of Poison
On this detour of life, we have reached another four days of bumpy and squiggly road signs.  Today's menu included a spinal tap, blood transfusion and a mini chemo cocktail (shout out to you blood donors out there!  A million thanks!).  I'm also taking a nightly oral chemo which is a powerful little pill.  That's the update on the chemofront folks.  No big news (which is good news).


Vampire Blog
Getting blood creeps. me. out.  yuck.  It looks gross and I feel funky knowing it's someone else's blood.  I think back to the blood drives (I successfully donated once and got shot down twice) and think about the people donating.  Technically I am receiving their past meals, cigarettes, beers, snacks and air.   His or her past.  Weird.  It'd be fun if I also received his/her skills.  After I sit two hours hooked up to the bag o' blood - Hey look!  I can salsa!  Ole!   No, just the Taco Bell for dinner two nights ago.


New Glasses
I see life differently and I'm making choices with new measuring tools.  For example, I am following my heart to Madison.  I meditate.  Bought a juicer.  Babble to a therapist.  See the beauty in everyday things.  All things that I got a push to do a la the big C.  When you have one hand in heaven, you tend to get busy on earth.  More than one person has told me that my experience has inspired them to finally do those dream items.  Let's all hop on the Dead Poet's Society bandwagon and 'carpe diem' it up!  

Unplugged

Hey everyone!

I made the cut!  I was able to begin chemo again on Tuesday.  Happy day!  I have day 2 of 4 completed this week.  Next week is a four day week for treatment.  It has me dragging already.  I was so tired on my way home that my eyes were going in different directions and my eye lids were at different levels.  I felt and looked drunk.  I fell asleep passed out right when I got home.

Since I started chemo I now have a date for the last session before maintenance begins.  The BIG stuff will be over!  October 11 I will be finished!  Hallelujah.

This past weekend I went to Madison to help Ross paint our home.  We completed the painting!  The delay in treatment left me feeling good.  We painted hours upon hours.  The rooms turned out perfect (minus the grayish purple paint looking only purple - you'll see haha).  Our house is becoming a home.  It turned out great timing because I was able to spend the first night there.   I hated to leave but I'll be moving in soon!

Livestrong was in NYC for the UN Summit for uncommunicable disease.  Livestrong does create a community feel for all of us fighting the good fight.
http://livestrongblog.org/2011/09/20/photos-from-the-un-summit/?tr=y&auid=9528497
I submitted my picture - I wonder if I debuted in NYC?

kiss, kiss

The Big Spill

Question - Good news or bad news first?  


We'll go with the bad.  


My treatments had to be delayed due to my blood counts.  Bummer.  I  was right on the cusp and the Doc even tried to break the rules for me in order to move forward.  It's only a week delay at this time.  (Fingers crossed that it will max at a week.)


The reason I am bummed out is because the pause in the treatment schedule delays the good things...


Which brings us to the GOOD news.  The happy news.  The news that makes me smile nonstop.  


I'M MOVING TO MADISON!


Ross and I found a great house for rent.  It is adorable.  We have a backyard and basement so it's prime for hanging out.  I'm so excited to move in with him and finally start up our life together.  It's about dam time we're in the same city!  Ross is busy painting the place right now.   I will post pictures once we're done moving in and decorating!  

“Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”

— Roald Dahl

That's the way the Cookie Crumbles

I bit off more than I can chew.  I wanted to help out my mom re-do my room by priming and doing the ceiling coats of paint.  I have gotten as far as the prep and trimming.  I was so proud but then I hit a wall without a roller in hand.  I am really disappointed that I may not pull this through for my mom. 


This past weekend was a nice little getaway.  I headed to Osh Kosh (B'Gosh!) with some friends.  The weather didn't go according to plan, but we made due and had a great time.  Some of my favorite times are spent in sweats while BS'ing with friends.  Who needs bars?  Not I (blatant lie).   


My parents are touring Yellowstone this week.  From the sounds of it the trip could not be going any better.  It's amazing how quiet the house can get.  When 5:30 rolls around and Dad does not stroll in then my Mom does not dash in later, I end up twiddling my thumbs.  I think I am suffering from reverse empty nest syndrome.


I have very exciting news that I want to scream at the top of my lungs.  A tease will have to do.  Count this as a heads up though - once I get to share the news you're going to all drown in it.  I will share it soooooon.


Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. 
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

I’m on fire and now I think I'm ready to bust a move

It's that time again.  Updates!  I'm hopped up on the 'roids so my creative juices are flowing and my sleep at night is evading me.  That's OK since I have the luxury of mornings in bed.


Today was a treatment day.  I had another dose of what is lovingly named "The Red Devil" by my favorite nurse.  Even if that was a bar drink, I don't think I would order something with such a foreboding title.  Now if we were talking song titles, that'd be a different story.  Currently I'm just waiting for my body to start the process on the downward spiral again.  It was a hell, the devil's domain, last week and I really don't want and I can't let that happen again.  I have things to do and people to see.   Positive thinking commence.


On other fronts, I took advantage of the downfall last week by cuddling in with my Kindle.  One of my best friends recommended The Hunger Games series.  I devoured it.  (pun intended)  As the name insinuates, there is a role of food in the book.  I have a strange relationship with food right now.  A deep love/hate runs between me and edibles.  I took to the books despite the symbolic foods.  I finished the series in a week.  Forewarning it's a young adult series; think Twighlight without the putrid Bella or mythical creatures.  I miss reading books and discussing the deeper meanings of everything or hearing other people's favorite parts.  Usually you'll notice new angles and hear of interesting interpretations.  My friends and I discuss book groups but last time I was one of the few to actually read the book (Three Cups of Tea - still very bitter of the author's audacity to lie).  So if any one has a book they want to meet over coffee about I'd love to.   


"Be not afraid of going slowly.  Be afraid of standing still."
Japanese Proverb

Send Me the Moon

(Sara Bareilles lyric - go listen, it's lovely.)

I have been a hermit the past three days.  Hermits must be the loneliest creatures on the planet.  No wonder they don't run off when people are willing to pay attention to them and paint their shells.  If it means attention then so be it.  I babble.  What I mean to say is that locking myself in to stay away from germs takes its toll.

Friday was easy to play Rapunzel because I was beat from a round of sleep-inducing pre-chemo drugs and the poison itself.

Saturday was a bit tougher because I had the choice of going out.  I wanted to but bit my lip and did what's right.  Stayed in.  A few of the older nurses clucked at me a few times with lines of "those young patients always run into the same issues... not minding the guidelines..."  Nags.  haha I hate that I listen, but they have seen it all.

Today I am going stir crazy.  It's one of my sullen days.  It's beautiful outside.  I know it, I can see it and feel it.  But I just don't care.  I just feel fuzzy and dull.

Tomorrow I am breaking the rules and going downtown!  The plans are my silver lining to this weekend.  One of my best friend's in town and there is nothing that will stop me.  We're doing lunch and the art institute.  I am more excited that a 5-year old going to Disney.

Treatment again Tuesday... I am going to throw a party the day the "main" stuff is over.  You are all invited.  I think a pinata would be appropriate.  I get first swing.

Cloud 9 and 3/4

'allo everyone,


I have begun the 2nd to last leg of my treatments!  Holla!  It's very exciting!  My nurse and I became "woo girls" (How I Met Your Mother reference) and  I fulfilled my sorority alum status in squeaks and other high pitch noises.  It's too early for a countdown but I excitedly anticipate the day I can post it.  


My biopsy results were optimistic.  They haven't all come back, but the known results caused even the Doc to be chipper.


Things have been wonderful lately.  I have kept busy, felt healthy, and stayed calm.  My counts are dropping (bummer) so I am borderline neutropenic.  Reminder:  neutropenia is the state where I become fragile as a porcelain doll so playtime becomes limited.  I need to be better about respecting the rules because I do not want any set backs for my future plans.  


Ta ta!


New theme song thanks to Destiny Child (how embarrassing):


I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

Early Bird Special

I recently had an epiphany.  I should be given the honorary old lady name of Rose (or how about Edith?).

Reason 1:  I watch my stories daily.  Sure, it's done in a high-tech way on Wii Netflix (which is a lifesaver btw) but it's how I get my jollies (reason number 2, I just said 'jollies')

Reason 3:  I have an array of Rx bottles and pill boxes that I tote around with me since I am now a regular at the pharmacy counter.

Reason 4:  A majority of my anecdotes include my nurses, not my friends and a completely different type of shot.

Reason 5:  Rufus and Marley, need I say more?

Reason 6:  I have been known to say the phrase "Oh my aching back" due to over sitting and laying in "slug" position watching said stories.

Reason 7:  I have been known to have my hand on my chest as if saying the pledge of allegiance due to acid reflux.  Simply, I have acid reflux.  I thought I'd get that at the same time I buy a cherry red Mazda Miata during my planned midlife crisis.

Reason 8:  There is a stock of Ensure in my house.

Reason 9:  I am a crossword queen.  I complete the Red Eye crossword, and I have a book of them which I tote around as well.

Reason 10:  I grumble under my breath and grimace like a crotchety old man about the yippety little dog next door.  (It truly needs to be snuffed.)

Reason 11:  Walking is my exercise.  I don my Sketchers Shape Ups (I'll take all the help I can get when it comes to getting my booty back in shape) and stroll the country club.  The other walkers I see are either the local new mommies or the 65 and better crowd.

Reason 12:  I drank prune juice.  It was only once but I think it makes me eligible for an AARP card.  That stuff is gross enough that anyone drinking it deserves a discount.

... if I name anymore similarities I may start to develop worry lines.  Let's stop here so that it's still smile lines.

Rock(er) on!

Unexpected Therapy

I bought Dr. Mario for Wii yesterday.  I l-o-v-e-d that game on Nintendo -  the old school console where you blew into the games in attempt to get them to work.  It will be fun to explain that one to my (hypothetical) children.


I was kicking ass and taking viruses' names when I realized I was completely engaged in the game.  When I eventually lost a game, which took a while since I'm awesome at it, I noticed I was truly bummed.  I also found that I was taunting cartoon characters... needless to say I had a blast.  


Then it dawned on me - I wasn't killing silly red, blue, yellow viruses in my head - I was killing cancer! 

hakuna matata, poppycock.

Hello peeps, 


It's August.  Jeepers!  Soon I'll be wearing two scarves (one on my head, the other around my neck) since fall will be here before we know it.  I need a symbol for the drumroll of bum bum ching for my cheesy jokes on this blog.  I worry some of my sarcasm might be lost to the text.  


On my calendar we are on day 38 of course 3.  Thus, b!tch juice will be pumped into me Thursday.  On a positive note, Thursday marks the end of this session!  I will do a happy dance afterwards; count that as a warning Dad.   Three fourths done with chemotherapy!!!!   However, I will have a bone marrow biopsy done next week.  It is anticipated to be clean according to Doc.  Down the line (AKA months/years from now) the marrow tests are going to be where anxiety will skyrocket.  It will be that waiting game I talk so much about.  The game of "did it work?"  I should wear a button while waiting the results that says "Tread lightly: volatile, likely to explode" maybe with the hazardous material logo on it.  

This weekend was a good one.  Ross was in town; need I say more?  We had a good time chilling by the bonfire, just hanging out as if time stopped and we weren't stuck in this dismal scenario.  He's my counterpart, you know?   I say something quirky and he is right there with me, laughing when anyone else would just raise an eyebrow.    


Along the same lines, this week is full of friends.  I have a little something planned with friends every day this week!  Dinners, movie dates, yoga... then it's time to get ready for my parents' shindig Saturday.  They are hosting a par-tay to celebrate paying off their mortgage.  I will cheers to the roof over my head any day.  


Until next time, love & peace.

spread the word

I had treatment Tuesday.  It was a long day for Dad and me.  We arrived at 10:30 a.m. and left at 5:00 p.m.  Gah.  While there I came across an amazing article in Marie Claire about the bone marrow donation process and how to join the registry.  I was so moved by the article that I posted it on the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's facebook page.  Within 9 hours 92 people 'liked' the post and there are 24 comments.  I am so glad I shared it.  I also plan to give the article to the staff at Northwestern in case they want to spread the good word too.  At this time I do not need a transplant, and I really really really really hope it stays that way.  But there are lots of people out there that do and that has to be a tough place to be in.  There are always blessings to be counted.
http://www.marieclaire.com/hea​lth-fitness/news/bone-marrow-d​onation

I'm excited for this weekend - Ross will be in town! I also get to see my friend that was in NYC for a long chunk of time. It's amazing the affect certain people have on your mood. Again, count the blessings.

Well, it's time for bed. I am tired and my stomach's doing flip flops. So I figure sleep is a great way to stop this gymnastics show.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde

the scarlet letter

I'm not stating that I'm committing adultery.  I have a "C" on my forehead conveying that I have cancer.  I write my blog and deal with the health issues, but otherwise I need to start separating myself from the word.  I don't want it to define me.  It's tough because I can see it people's eyes.  I see a mix of care, concern, pity, sadness... you name it.  I know in the first minute if someone knows about the "C" which is why I love events like the one today.  I will be around a bunch of people who have no clue what I'm going through.  When I meet them all their eyes will show is whether they think my skirt's too short.

I am sooo excited for today.  A good friend of mine from high school is getting married :)  So today I don my wig, party dress and big smile to go out and celebrate the happy couple's love.

Time to go dance the night away to love songs like Barry White "You're my first, my last, my everything"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQN1COeI75E

I see a tiny light like a flashbulb sparkle in the night

I had another two days of treatment on Thursday and Friday.  This past weekend I auditioned for the part of sleeping beauty.  I slept.  Oh did I sleep.  

I have blood tests but otherwise treatment isn't until next Tuesday.  

I'm not feeling chatty but updates are to come.

Tiny Light - Grace Potter & the Nocturnals

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ma9lzcUe2Zg

Young Love

I'm back!  I went on a weekend getaway in search of a sanctuary.  I found that in the arms of Ross at Lake Geneva.  It was the perfect spot, smack dab in the middle of us.  We wined and dined the weekend away (I snuck a glass of shiraz in over a fancy dinner).  We had a marvelous time being our goofy and mooshy-gushy selves.  

The weekend gave me the boost that I needed.   I'm high maintenance right now and Ross just wants to take care of my every whim, who am I to say no?  He even joined me for my afternoon naps!  If you know Ross then you know his blood is two parts caffeine one part endorphins which does not allow for naps.  He is a ball of energy - one of the many reasons to love him.  

Lake Geneva is a funny mix of weekenders, millionaires and biker groups.  Ross rode his Harley down. We took a ride at twilight that magical.  I wish we could have road off into the horizon... 

Here's a picture of his toy - I am one lucky lady.

I have treatment Wednesday and Thursday.  No new concoctions so we should be in the clear for surprises.  I'm at a point where my feet are dragging BIG time.  I don't have a choice in the matter however I just want to pout and use deadweight like I'm eight years old and Erin's trying to drag me out of bed in the morning.    I simply don't want to go to the clinic.  I think I need to hire a cheerleader to shake her pon poms (or is it pom poms?) and say "A-OK!  It will all be OK!"  At that point, I will go out of motivation or annoyance... until next time!


"We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, [Harry], but battle on."  
J.K. Rowling, "A Sluggish Memory," Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, 2005, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore

second star to the right and straight on till morning

hello hello


It's July.  Holy balls.  Time is eluding me.  If it's the price I must pay then please take, take, take.  But it's a sharp reality that I have to accept every time I check a calendar.  Time and life moves forward even when I'm not on board. 


We are progressing forward with treatment - hooray.  This round is tiring.  I am not sure it's all chemo that's putting me on my tushy or if it's also the fading of the beginners rush.  I've had some try outs to star in the exorcism this round.  It sucks.  I am not graceful when it comes to kneeling at the porcelain idol.  I tried to hide it the first few times, but then I reverted to childhood and called for my mommy.  Dr. Mom has that special touch.  Even at 24, a girl needs her mom.  Dad's specialty is entertaining me at the treatments; he's a chatty cathy so I can lie back and listen.  One of the many things that I love most about my relationship between my dad and I is the unspoken communication that we have.  (Mom - I know it drives you nuts.)  But my dad and I have a series of looks.  True most are at others detriment, but all the same they tend to create laughs for us.  If there is any where on earth that needs laughs it is the doctor's office.  I complain about my parents but I'd be lost without them.


Yesterday I got to meet my virtual pen pal.  He recently went through this "journey" (I hate that metaphor but I went brain dead) with blood cancer and is on the road they deem "survivorship."  He's great for words of wisdom and laughs.  It was a pure delight to put a face to the email chain and to meet my Mr. Miyagi.  He took me to a movie filming and it was a fantastic time.  Truly was.  For those who know celebrities I brushed shoulders with Sienna Miller.  I was more interested in the filming, set and such, but it is as close to Jude Law as I'll get. hehe


P.S.
A quick update on my friend Kim.  She is doing much better.  I smile when I hear updates on her because I think of her so much.  She still has a lot of healing, strengthening and mending to do but the trooper that she is has brought her through these times.  It's not my story to tell but I wanted you all to know that she's moving forward beautifully.  Thanks for the happy thoughts sent to Kim.  


If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.
-Unknown

Game on!

Game on!


Written 6/23-6/24 around midnight in the hallway of Whitehall Hotel hopped up on roids and ice cream


Today marks the beginning of round 3 for chemo regimens.  There was a TKO in round 1 and I took the belt, but the refs are letting me continue to kick it while it's down.  Kick the shit-ake mushrooms out of it, if you will.  The gap in treatment frustrated the heck out of me.


I love to plan.  To give an idea of my obsession and slight case of OCD, I have bought the same planner three years in a row.  I keep a post-it for each week of the year for to-do's.  I migrate the undone tasks from one post-it to the next... and so on.  My point is that I have not been able to plan anything since I was diagnosed.  But now that I started regimen 3, I can begin to plan some things - tentatively.  I plan to have a getaway in August with Ashli.  We have our sights on Portland!  Music, mountains, wine - heck we could go to Des Moines and enjoy it.  I also get to day dream up foreign destinations for a vacation for Ross and me.  The criteria is Caribbean, scuba diving (a fear of mine but it's time to overcome and persevere!), palm trees, sand, nightlife, and a whole lotta SPF.  Dream a little dream...


I've felt superb the past week and a half.  Being poison free does that to a person.  My bartender/nurse Caitlin served up three cocktails and the Doctor topped it off with a fourth within a two day span.  I still feel fan freaking-tastic but I know the impending doom that lays ahead with the chemo.

One of the chemos in this round is especially daunting; it looks like un-gelled lemon lime Jell-o.  Funky! It's as unappetizing as Cosby's sweaters.  I had managed to grow out a few silly little hairs on my head.  Beyond being on my head, I'm quite unattached to the little guys.  The chemos this round will make them abandon ship too.  The good news is that I will begin to grow the next crop for keeps starting this fall!  
The good physique and health fell at a most serendipitous (fun word!) time.  Last week I attended the Jim Gibbons 5K with my parents.  My girlfriends put together a stellar team.  They were the top fundraisers!  They also put together the best looking team shirts, in my humble opinion.  The day was one which makes you count your blessings and powerfully face your challenges.

The same weekend I sat on a Cub's rooftop bleacher with my dad.  I sat, hot dog in hand, taunting him  about the superiority of the Brewer's and Gold Eagles (it was a DePaul event) and at that moment I couldn't have been more content.  Well, maybe if I had a beer in my other hand.  That night daddy-o and I were able to visit with a handful of my girlfriends and for dinner.  I take any opportunity to see them these days.  They have done so much to show the strength in our bonds.  Then we stopped by Chris and Steve's (fellow MU alum) apartment for a birthday party.  I felt like a party goer with a foot still out the door.  I can't participate in the activities and I still feel scared to be out and about.  Dad was a great wingman, but I still felt odd to be at a party.  I just wanted to get tipsy and dance.  I felt angry of not getting what I wanted (damn you Rolling Stones for creating that song).  On the ride home, I struggled with a paramount tantrum beyond those of beauty pageant toddlers - even beyond the stage moms.  It was off the richter scale.


I am not alone.  Unfortunately despair has hit home in another form.  I was also able to attend a mass last night for my good friend Kim.  She's in the ICU fighting something... something that is still an anomaly to the great minds of the doctors.  She going on week four.  Tears have been shed and helplessness amassed.  Normally churches are a no-no on Doc's list approved activities, but nothing would keep me from doing the only thing I can - I was able to show support for Kim's family.  


Along those lines, thank you to all of you supporting Kim and myself in these rough times.  I say thank you a lot, but appreciation never tires.  


“When you can’t change the direction of the wind — adjust your sails.” ~ H. Jackson Brown

Dum, di, dum, di, dum

I am whistling this amazing song:  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83bmsluWHZc  OR  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8y_h-OcK28


This is what I do when I am wasting time.  It's my go to song when strolling, driving in a car, washing dishes...

Other great songs to whistle (and everyone nearby is appreciative for getting it stuck in his/her head too):  It's a Small World, The Song that Never Ends, Animaniacs Theme Song, Doug Theme Song...  


Next test is Thursday - let's hope for the numbers to move forward.  I would rather be whistling from the chemo chair!


Until the next post... enjoy the catchy songs!

"Car!" - Wayne & Garth

We are still waiting.  It's a no go for chemo this week.  Bummer.  I will be drained of some more blood on Monday to see if we receive a thumbs up.  Then it's "game on!"


Here's a clip for those that are confused by the two quoted references in the post:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz1kmGKDuUE&feature=related


Cinema at its finest.  I love that movie.