Countdown: 14 days until the end of the BIG stuff
Familiar Taste of Poison
On this detour of life, we have reached another four days of bumpy and squiggly road signs. Today's menu included a spinal tap, blood transfusion and a mini chemo cocktail (shout out to you blood donors out there! A million thanks!). I'm also taking a nightly oral chemo which is a powerful little pill. That's the update on the chemofront folks. No big news (which is good news).
Vampire Blog
Getting blood creeps. me. out. yuck. It looks gross and I feel funky knowing it's someone else's blood. I think back to the blood drives (I successfully donated once and got shot down twice) and think about the people donating. Technically I am receiving their past meals, cigarettes, beers, snacks and air. His or her past. Weird. It'd be fun if I also received his/her skills. After I sit two hours hooked up to the bag o' blood - Hey look! I can salsa! Ole! No, just the Taco Bell for dinner two nights ago.
New Glasses
I see life differently and I'm making choices with new measuring tools. For example, I am following my heart to Madison. I meditate. Bought a juicer. Babble to a therapist. See the beauty in everyday things. All things that I got a push to do a la the big C. When you have one hand in heaven, you tend to get busy on earth. More than one person has told me that my experience has inspired them to finally do those dream items. Let's all hop on the Dead Poet's Society bandwagon and 'carpe diem' it up!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Unplugged
Hey everyone!
I made the cut! I was able to begin chemo again on Tuesday. Happy day! I have day 2 of 4 completed this week. Next week is a four day week for treatment. It has me dragging already. I was so tired on my way home that my eyes were going in different directions and my eye lids were at different levels. I felt and looked drunk. Ifell asleep passed out right when I got home.
Since I started chemo I now have a date for the last session before maintenance begins. The BIG stuff will be over! October 11 I will be finished! Hallelujah.
This past weekend I went to Madison to help Ross paint our home. We completed the painting! The delay in treatment left me feeling good. We painted hours upon hours. The rooms turned out perfect (minus the grayish purple paint looking only purple - you'll see haha). Our house is becoming a home. It turned out great timing because I was able to spend the first night there. I hated to leave but I'll be moving in soon!
Livestrong was in NYC for the UN Summit for uncommunicable disease. Livestrong does create a community feel for all of us fighting the good fight.
http://livestrongblog.org/2011/09/20/photos-from-the-un-summit/?tr=y&auid=9528497
I submitted my picture - I wonder if I debuted in NYC?
kiss, kiss
I made the cut! I was able to begin chemo again on Tuesday. Happy day! I have day 2 of 4 completed this week. Next week is a four day week for treatment. It has me dragging already. I was so tired on my way home that my eyes were going in different directions and my eye lids were at different levels. I felt and looked drunk. I
Since I started chemo I now have a date for the last session before maintenance begins. The BIG stuff will be over! October 11 I will be finished! Hallelujah.
This past weekend I went to Madison to help Ross paint our home. We completed the painting! The delay in treatment left me feeling good. We painted hours upon hours. The rooms turned out perfect (minus the grayish purple paint looking only purple - you'll see haha). Our house is becoming a home. It turned out great timing because I was able to spend the first night there. I hated to leave but I'll be moving in soon!
Livestrong was in NYC for the UN Summit for uncommunicable disease. Livestrong does create a community feel for all of us fighting the good fight.
http://livestrongblog.org/2011/09/20/photos-from-the-un-summit/?tr=y&auid=9528497
I submitted my picture - I wonder if I debuted in NYC?
kiss, kiss
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Big Spill
Question - Good news or bad news first?
We'll go with the bad.
My treatments had to be delayed due to my blood counts. Bummer. I was right on the cusp and the Doc even tried to break the rules for me in order to move forward. It's only a week delay at this time. (Fingers crossed that it will max at a week.)
The reason I am bummed out is because the pause in the treatment schedule delays the good things...
Which brings us to the GOOD news. The happy news. The news that makes me smile nonstop.
I'M MOVING TO MADISON!
Ross and I found a great house for rent. It is adorable. We have a backyard and basement so it's prime for hanging out. I'm so excited to move in with him and finally start up our life together. It's about dam time we're in the same city! Ross is busy painting the place right now. I will post pictures once we're done moving in and decorating!
We'll go with the bad.
My treatments had to be delayed due to my blood counts. Bummer. I was right on the cusp and the Doc even tried to break the rules for me in order to move forward. It's only a week delay at this time. (Fingers crossed that it will max at a week.)
The reason I am bummed out is because the pause in the treatment schedule delays the good things...
Which brings us to the GOOD news. The happy news. The news that makes me smile nonstop.
I'M MOVING TO MADISON!
Ross and I found a great house for rent. It is adorable. We have a backyard and basement so it's prime for hanging out. I'm so excited to move in with him and finally start up our life together. It's about dam time we're in the same city! Ross is busy painting the place right now. I will post pictures once we're done moving in and decorating!
“Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
— Roald Dahl
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
That's the way the Cookie Crumbles
I bit off more than I can chew. I wanted to help out my mom re-do my room by priming and doing the ceiling coats of paint. I have gotten as far as the prep and trimming. I was so proud but then I hit a wall without a roller in hand. I am really disappointed that I may not pull this through for my mom.
This past weekend was a nice little getaway. I headed to Osh Kosh (B'Gosh!) with some friends. The weather didn't go according to plan, but we made due and had a great time. Some of my favorite times are spent in sweats while BS'ing with friends. Who needs bars? Not I (blatant lie).
My parents are touring Yellowstone this week. From the sounds of it the trip could not be going any better. It's amazing how quiet the house can get. When 5:30 rolls around and Dad does not stroll in then my Mom does not dash in later, I end up twiddling my thumbs. I think I am suffering from reverse empty nest syndrome.
I have very exciting news that I want to scream at the top of my lungs. A tease will have to do. Count this as a heads up though - once I get to share the news you're going to all drown in it. I will share it soooooon.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
This past weekend was a nice little getaway. I headed to Osh Kosh (B'Gosh!) with some friends. The weather didn't go according to plan, but we made due and had a great time. Some of my favorite times are spent in sweats while BS'ing with friends. Who needs bars? Not I (blatant lie).
My parents are touring Yellowstone this week. From the sounds of it the trip could not be going any better. It's amazing how quiet the house can get. When 5:30 rolls around and Dad does not stroll in then my Mom does not dash in later, I end up twiddling my thumbs. I think I am suffering from reverse empty nest syndrome.
I have very exciting news that I want to scream at the top of my lungs. A tease will have to do. Count this as a heads up though - once I get to share the news you're going to all drown in it. I will share it soooooon.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I’m on fire and now I think I'm ready to bust a move
It's that time again. Updates! I'm hopped up on the 'roids so my creative juices are flowing and my sleep at night is evading me. That's OK since I have the luxury of mornings in bed.
Today was a treatment day. I had another dose of what is lovingly named "The Red Devil" by my favorite nurse. Even if that was a bar drink, I don't think I would order something with such a foreboding title. Now if we were talking song titles, that'd be a different story. Currently I'm just waiting for my body to start the process on the downward spiral again. It was a hell, the devil's domain, last week and I really don't want and I can't let that happen again. I have things to do and people to see. Positive thinking commence.
On other fronts, I took advantage of the downfall last week by cuddling in with my Kindle. One of my best friends recommended The Hunger Games series. I devoured it. (pun intended) As the name insinuates, there is a role of food in the book. I have a strange relationship with food right now. A deep love/hate runs between me and edibles. I took to the books despite the symbolic foods. I finished the series in a week. Forewarning it's a young adult series; think Twighlight without the putrid Bella or mythical creatures. I miss reading books and discussing the deeper meanings of everything or hearing other people's favorite parts. Usually you'll notice new angles and hear of interesting interpretations. My friends and I discuss book groups but last time I was one of the few to actually read the book (Three Cups of Tea - still very bitter of the author's audacity to lie). So if any one has a book they want to meet over coffee about I'd love to.
"Be not afraid of going slowly. Be afraid of standing still."
Japanese Proverb
Today was a treatment day. I had another dose of what is lovingly named "The Red Devil" by my favorite nurse. Even if that was a bar drink, I don't think I would order something with such a foreboding title. Now if we were talking song titles, that'd be a different story. Currently I'm just waiting for my body to start the process on the downward spiral again. It was a hell, the devil's domain, last week and I really don't want and I can't let that happen again. I have things to do and people to see. Positive thinking commence.
On other fronts, I took advantage of the downfall last week by cuddling in with my Kindle. One of my best friends recommended The Hunger Games series. I devoured it. (pun intended) As the name insinuates, there is a role of food in the book. I have a strange relationship with food right now. A deep love/hate runs between me and edibles. I took to the books despite the symbolic foods. I finished the series in a week. Forewarning it's a young adult series; think Twighlight without the putrid Bella or mythical creatures. I miss reading books and discussing the deeper meanings of everything or hearing other people's favorite parts. Usually you'll notice new angles and hear of interesting interpretations. My friends and I discuss book groups but last time I was one of the few to actually read the book (Three Cups of Tea - still very bitter of the author's audacity to lie). So if any one has a book they want to meet over coffee about I'd love to.
"Be not afraid of going slowly. Be afraid of standing still."
Japanese Proverb
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Send Me the Moon
(Sara Bareilles lyric - go listen, it's lovely.)
I have been a hermit the past three days. Hermits must be the loneliest creatures on the planet. No wonder they don't run off when people are willing to pay attention to them and paint their shells. If it means attention then so be it. I babble. What I mean to say is that locking myself in to stay away from germs takes its toll.
Friday was easy to play Rapunzel because I was beat from a round of sleep-inducing pre-chemo drugs and the poison itself.
Saturday was a bit tougher because I had the choice of going out. I wanted to but bit my lip and did what's right. Stayed in. A few of the older nurses clucked at me a few times with lines of "those young patients always run into the same issues... not minding the guidelines..." Nags. haha I hate that I listen, but they have seen it all.
Today I am going stir crazy. It's one of my sullen days. It's beautiful outside. I know it, I can see it and feel it. But I just don't care. I just feel fuzzy and dull.
Tomorrow I am breaking the rules and going downtown! The plans are my silver lining to this weekend. One of my best friend's in town and there is nothing that will stop me. We're doing lunch and the art institute. I am more excited that a 5-year old going to Disney.
Treatment again Tuesday... I am going to throw a party the day the "main" stuff is over. You are all invited. I think a pinata would be appropriate. I get first swing.
I have been a hermit the past three days. Hermits must be the loneliest creatures on the planet. No wonder they don't run off when people are willing to pay attention to them and paint their shells. If it means attention then so be it. I babble. What I mean to say is that locking myself in to stay away from germs takes its toll.
Friday was easy to play Rapunzel because I was beat from a round of sleep-inducing pre-chemo drugs and the poison itself.
Saturday was a bit tougher because I had the choice of going out. I wanted to but bit my lip and did what's right. Stayed in. A few of the older nurses clucked at me a few times with lines of "those young patients always run into the same issues... not minding the guidelines..." Nags. haha I hate that I listen, but they have seen it all.
Today I am going stir crazy. It's one of my sullen days. It's beautiful outside. I know it, I can see it and feel it. But I just don't care. I just feel fuzzy and dull.
Tomorrow I am breaking the rules and going downtown! The plans are my silver lining to this weekend. One of my best friend's in town and there is nothing that will stop me. We're doing lunch and the art institute. I am more excited that a 5-year old going to Disney.
Treatment again Tuesday... I am going to throw a party the day the "main" stuff is over. You are all invited. I think a pinata would be appropriate. I get first swing.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Cloud 9 and 3/4
'allo everyone,
I have begun the 2nd to last leg of my treatments! Holla! It's very exciting! My nurse and I became "woo girls" (How I Met Your Mother reference) and I fulfilled my sorority alum status in squeaks and other high pitch noises. It's too early for a countdown but I excitedly anticipate the day I can post it.
My biopsy results were optimistic. They haven't all come back, but the known results caused even the Doc to be chipper.
Things have been wonderful lately. I have kept busy, felt healthy, and stayed calm. My counts are dropping (bummer) so I am borderline neutropenic. Reminder: neutropenia is the state where I become fragile as a porcelain doll so playtime becomes limited. I need to be better about respecting the rules because I do not want any set backs for my future plans.
Ta ta!
New theme song thanks to Destiny Child (how embarrassing):
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
I have begun the 2nd to last leg of my treatments! Holla! It's very exciting! My nurse and I became "woo girls" (How I Met Your Mother reference) and I fulfilled my sorority alum status in squeaks and other high pitch noises. It's too early for a countdown but I excitedly anticipate the day I can post it.
My biopsy results were optimistic. They haven't all come back, but the known results caused even the Doc to be chipper.
Things have been wonderful lately. I have kept busy, felt healthy, and stayed calm. My counts are dropping (bummer) so I am borderline neutropenic. Reminder: neutropenia is the state where I become fragile as a porcelain doll so playtime becomes limited. I need to be better about respecting the rules because I do not want any set backs for my future plans.
Ta ta!
New theme song thanks to Destiny Child (how embarrassing):
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Early Bird Special
I recently had an epiphany. I should be given the honorary old lady name of Rose (or how about Edith?).
Reason 1: I watch my stories daily. Sure, it's done in a high-tech way on Wii Netflix (which is a lifesaver btw) but it's how I get my jollies (reason number 2, I just said 'jollies')
Reason 3: I have an array of Rx bottles and pill boxes that I tote around with me since I am now a regular at the pharmacy counter.
Reason 4: A majority of my anecdotes include my nurses, not my friends and a completely different type of shot.
Reason 5: Rufus and Marley, need I say more?
Reason 6: I have been known to say the phrase "Oh my aching back" due to over sitting and laying in "slug" position watching said stories.
Reason 7: I have been known to have my hand on my chest as if saying the pledge of allegiance due to acid reflux. Simply, I have acid reflux. I thought I'd get that at the same time I buy a cherry red Mazda Miata during my planned midlife crisis.
Reason 8: There is a stock of Ensure in my house.
Reason 9: I am a crossword queen. I complete the Red Eye crossword, and I have a book of them which I tote around as well.
Reason 10: I grumble under my breath and grimace like a crotchety old man about the yippety little dog next door. (It truly needs to be snuffed.)
Reason 11: Walking is my exercise. I don my Sketchers Shape Ups (I'll take all the help I can get when it comes to getting my booty back in shape) and stroll the country club. The other walkers I see are either the local new mommies or the 65 and better crowd.
Reason 12: I drank prune juice. It was only once but I think it makes me eligible for an AARP card. That stuff is gross enough that anyone drinking it deserves a discount.
... if I name anymore similarities I may start to develop worry lines. Let's stop here so that it's still smile lines.
Rock(er) on!
Reason 1: I watch my stories daily. Sure, it's done in a high-tech way on Wii Netflix (which is a lifesaver btw) but it's how I get my jollies (reason number 2, I just said 'jollies')
Reason 3: I have an array of Rx bottles and pill boxes that I tote around with me since I am now a regular at the pharmacy counter.
Reason 4: A majority of my anecdotes include my nurses, not my friends and a completely different type of shot.
Reason 5: Rufus and Marley, need I say more?
Reason 6: I have been known to say the phrase "Oh my aching back" due to over sitting and laying in "slug" position watching said stories.
Reason 7: I have been known to have my hand on my chest as if saying the pledge of allegiance due to acid reflux. Simply, I have acid reflux. I thought I'd get that at the same time I buy a cherry red Mazda Miata during my planned midlife crisis.
Reason 8: There is a stock of Ensure in my house.
Reason 9: I am a crossword queen. I complete the Red Eye crossword, and I have a book of them which I tote around as well.
Reason 10: I grumble under my breath and grimace like a crotchety old man about the yippety little dog next door. (It truly needs to be snuffed.)
Reason 11: Walking is my exercise. I don my Sketchers Shape Ups (I'll take all the help I can get when it comes to getting my booty back in shape) and stroll the country club. The other walkers I see are either the local new mommies or the 65 and better crowd.
Reason 12: I drank prune juice. It was only once but I think it makes me eligible for an AARP card. That stuff is gross enough that anyone drinking it deserves a discount.
... if I name anymore similarities I may start to develop worry lines. Let's stop here so that it's still smile lines.
Rock(er) on!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Unexpected Therapy
I bought Dr. Mario for Wii yesterday. I l-o-v-e-d that game on Nintendo - the old school console where you blew into the games in attempt to get them to work. It will be fun to explain that one to my (hypothetical) children.
I was kicking ass and taking viruses' names when I realized I was completely engaged in the game. When I eventually lost a game, which took a while since I'm awesome at it, I noticed I was truly bummed. I also found that I was taunting cartoon characters... needless to say I had a blast.
Then it dawned on me - I wasn't killing silly red, blue, yellow viruses in my head - I was killing cancer!
I was kicking ass and taking viruses' names when I realized I was completely engaged in the game. When I eventually lost a game, which took a while since I'm awesome at it, I noticed I was truly bummed. I also found that I was taunting cartoon characters... needless to say I had a blast.
Then it dawned on me - I wasn't killing silly red, blue, yellow viruses in my head - I was killing cancer!
Monday, August 1, 2011
hakuna matata, poppycock.
Hello peeps,
It's August. Jeepers! Soon I'll be wearing two scarves (one on my head, the other around my neck) since fall will be here before we know it. I need a symbol for the drumroll of bum bum ching for my cheesy jokes on this blog. I worry some of my sarcasm might be lost to the text.
On my calendar we are on day 38 of course 3. Thus, b!tch juice will be pumped into me Thursday. On a positive note, Thursday marks the end of this session! I will do a happy dance afterwards; count that as a warning Dad. Three fourths done with chemotherapy!!!! However, I will have a bone marrow biopsy done next week. It is anticipated to be clean according to Doc. Down the line (AKA months/years from now) the marrow tests are going to be where anxiety will skyrocket. It will be that waiting game I talk so much about. The game of "did it work?" I should wear a button while waiting the results that says "Tread lightly: volatile, likely to explode" maybe with the hazardous material logo on it.
This weekend was a good one. Ross was in town; need I say more? We had a good time chilling by the bonfire, just hanging out as if time stopped and we weren't stuck in this dismal scenario. He's my counterpart, you know? I say something quirky and he is right there with me, laughing when anyone else would just raise an eyebrow.
Along the same lines, this week is full of friends. I have a little something planned with friends every day this week! Dinners, movie dates, yoga... then it's time to get ready for my parents' shindig Saturday. They are hosting a par-tay to celebrate paying off their mortgage. I will cheers to the roof over my head any day.
Until next time, love & peace.
It's August. Jeepers! Soon I'll be wearing two scarves (one on my head, the other around my neck) since fall will be here before we know it. I need a symbol for the drumroll of bum bum ching for my cheesy jokes on this blog. I worry some of my sarcasm might be lost to the text.
On my calendar we are on day 38 of course 3. Thus, b!tch juice will be pumped into me Thursday. On a positive note, Thursday marks the end of this session! I will do a happy dance afterwards; count that as a warning Dad. Three fourths done with chemotherapy!!!! However, I will have a bone marrow biopsy done next week. It is anticipated to be clean according to Doc. Down the line (AKA months/years from now) the marrow tests are going to be where anxiety will skyrocket. It will be that waiting game I talk so much about. The game of "did it work?" I should wear a button while waiting the results that says "Tread lightly: volatile, likely to explode" maybe with the hazardous material logo on it.
This weekend was a good one. Ross was in town; need I say more? We had a good time chilling by the bonfire, just hanging out as if time stopped and we weren't stuck in this dismal scenario. He's my counterpart, you know? I say something quirky and he is right there with me, laughing when anyone else would just raise an eyebrow.
Along the same lines, this week is full of friends. I have a little something planned with friends every day this week! Dinners, movie dates, yoga... then it's time to get ready for my parents' shindig Saturday. They are hosting a par-tay to celebrate paying off their mortgage. I will cheers to the roof over my head any day.
Until next time, love & peace.
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